Rules to Survive Pesach

By Susanna Calimani*

10 easy rules to survive Pesach:

1. Empty the pockets of jackets and bags you want to use during Pesach, or you will find them full of… “dust”.

2. Make sure to buy at least one bottle of KLP (Kosher for Passover) Coke, two bags of KLP chips, Samson Kosher cheese spread, a jar of pickles, one of gefilte fish, and mint candies, although during the year you never buy them.

3. Some people say that eggs do not affect the level of cholesterol, nevertheless ask your rabbi if the pills against it are KLP.

4. Pesach lasts only 7 days, but in the Mishna it is written “in every generation you should feel as though you yourself came out of Egypt”, and then in a footnote “you yourself should buy as much food as if you were to spend 40 years in the desert. You never know.”

5. Invite someone random at the seder, it could help reading the Haggada.

6. If two aunts make haroset but they have different recipes, always take equal amounts of them, or they might infer which one you prefer. If they ask, the answer is always the same “They are completely different: one is cooked and has fruit, the other one is raw and has nuts.”

7. If you hide the afikoman, don’t do it too well.
If instead you have the tradition to carry the afikoman on your shoulder, don’t stand up and then sit on it. Yes, it happened.

8. To avoid mute people gesticulating while pointing and the different instructions on their hagadoth, proceed with an official poll before doing the netillat yadaim, and find an agreement about which matzot need to be broken for the Hamotzi.

9. Remember that after the dinner it is not over yet: you still need to read the second part of the Seder. And then you should also help cleaning.

10. If mom lives far away, you have the excuse to buy a brand new set of KLP tupperwares. Mine are green.

*Susanna Calimani is a wandering economist currently based in Frankfurt.